Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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