went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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