a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it glows. i had to have it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
