What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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