Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
