watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
