I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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