Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
