From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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