Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
