I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize