you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
