like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize