Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize