She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
