then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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