That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
