My room smells like vodka and shame
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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