So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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