I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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