that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
