I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
