And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
