Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
