my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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