Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I believe in your delicious
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
