my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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