At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
