My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
