The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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