just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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