We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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