Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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