Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
