I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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