He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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