We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
