I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
