i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
