i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
