Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
