Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
