Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
