She is in my trunk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
