It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had to cum in my sink.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
