No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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