I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
