Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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