Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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