1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize