the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
