Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
