I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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