This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
should my penis look like a turkey
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
