it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
