i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
