Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I could fuck to npr.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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