it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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