New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
