You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
