The maid of honor just puked.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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