this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
