I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
