we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i drank out of a bidet.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
