There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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