My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
