after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want her autograph on my taint
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
