Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
