I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
