There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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