About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
