Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize