Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry about my life...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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